How To Talk To Kids About War
Plus the latest on the GOP race to find a new House Speaker
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Good morning,
Here we go again.
Third time was not the charm for the House Speaker selection. House Republicans initially chose Tom Emmer as their third nominee, but he dropped out about four hours later when it was clear he didn’t have enough votes. Late Tuesday night Mike Johnson of Louisiana became the party's fourth nominee for House speaker in the last 2 weeks.
What’s next? Johnson will need to secure the 217 votes on the House floor to win the gavel.
Not.Holding.Our.Breath.
Mosheh, Jill, & Lauren
🗞 HOW TO TALK TO KIDS ABOUT THE WAR IN THE MIDDLE EAST
It’s now been more than two weeks since Hamas attacked Israel on October 7th, killing more than 1,300 people and taking more than 200 hostage. Israel has responded with airstrikes in Gaza that have left thousands dead.
The images are gruesome. The testimony from survivors and victims’ families is heartbreaking. It’s all so hard to process— even for adults a thousand miles away. So how should we talks to KIDS about what’s happening in the Middle East? Especially in the era of social media.
🎙️ We turned to Niro Feliciano, a cognitive psychotherapist and bestselling author of This Book Won't Make You Happy, Eight Keys to Finding True Contentment. She's also a mother of four.
Here is an edited version of our interview (for time and clarity). Today’s Mo News podcast includes a portion of our conversation, and the full interview will be available later this week as a Special Edition:
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Jill: The number one question that we have been getting from parents is what age is it appropriate to start talking to kids about what's going on.
Niro: If they're really young— 4, 5, 6, years old, and they are not impacted by the war, you do not have to bring up that topic unless you feel like it's really important. And then again, very low detail.
So if they are blissfully unaware, they can stay blissfully unaware for a little longer. They will soon enough find out. Childhood goes fast.
Jill: Now to the kids are are affected— how do you define that?
Niro: What we say to them is going to vary by age. But if a child is affected— meaning they're in a family where there's heightened emotion, they may be going to a place of worship that now has changed, they may have a family member abroad or someone in the military serving— these are kids who are more aware that something's going on and a conversation needs to be had. It helps to give them an age appropriate explanation for the sadness, worry or grief that they are seeing.
But generally, if children are not affected, they say around eight or older. If there is talk of war or the situation, you can begin the conversation as young as even four, five, six, depending on the child's maturity level.
Jill: In terms of kids that are 4, 5, or 6— what is an appropriate way to talk about this? What are some words that would feel not frightening for a kid?
Niro: I'll preface this by saying, like you said, this is a hard situation, intellectually, emotionally, mentally for adults to get their mind around, let alone kids. We need to make sure that we process our emotions before entering a conversation with the child.
We have to be clear on what we're saying going into it. At four years old, what we want to do is have the information be very concrete, but low in detail. You can say things like, people across the world are trying to get food and shelter, and they're helping each other right now because they are going through challenges.
So very low in detail. Always it's good at that age to focus on the helpers. Focus on the helpers. Who is helping who? Because kids are always interested and encouraged by that. But with any conversation with a child, especially a child who may be impacted, you want to start by asking what they know. “Is there anything that you've been hearing at school about things going on in the world? If you have, let's talk about it.”
Jill: So have a starting point for what information they have, and then let them ask you questions about it?
Niro: Yes, that's right. And we want to do a lot of listening. We also don't need to give them information to questions that they're not asking at that age. We want to really focus on what their curiosity is or what they're seeing. Maybe they're seeing that people are really emotional at home. Maybe they're seeing that people are really stressed at home. And that is something we want to address and say, you know, there are people struggling across the world.
Jill: One of the things that I was reading is you want to make sure that kids feel safe. What are some ways that you can do that while discussing a topic as heavy as war?
Niro: No matter what we talk about, whether it's war or school violence or anything disturbing to a child, that should be one of our primary goals in the conversation is to assure them of their safety. And part of assuring them of their safety is also reminding them of our role as parents, we're there to take care of them. We are here to talk to you. We're here to take care of you and you are safe. And even if that means you're safe here in our home.
You're safe because you have your teachers at school. Assure them of their safety. Now, there are many parents who struggle with that in different situations, especially for kids going outside of the home. We worry about their safety in different environments, but in that conversation, we want them to walk away knowing that we're there for them and it's our job to keep them safe because they're always going to go back to— “How does this impact me? Is something going to happen to me or people that I love?”
Jill: Now let's get to some of the older kids— older elementary, middle school. What are ways that parents can talk to those kids?
Niro: We're having these conversations at home because most of my kids are middle school and up. It's important to start with what they know. Ask them what they’re hearing at school. Now, middle school and up, they know that there's a war going on. Ask them: What are you hearing about the war? What are your friends saying about it? And also, very importantly, what are you seeing on social media?
We've had very specific conversations with my kids about limiting social media. And also vetting their resources. How do we get reliable information about what we're seeing, talking to them about biases that we may be seeing coming from different sources. This is a really important time to educate kids who are older on how to get information that's reliable and also to recognize that there's going to be a lot of misinformation, especially as events are unfolding.
Jill: Another question I got from a couple of parents, given the rise in antisemitism— at what age do you start explaining the existence of antisemitism to our children? The parents said they don’t want to scare their kids but also want them to be informed and protected.
Niro: You know, the way I relate to this conversation, Jill, is being a person of color with a son who has dark skin. And in general, we know we have to start these conversations early with our boys as they're entering society and growing up. One, to normalize it in some way. And again, if a child is impacted and affected, if they see something changing in their environment, we wanna begin to have that conversation.
I think what experts tend to recommend is around eight years old developmentally could be appropriate for them. But again, no time is too early if a child is impacted. It's more about how we talk about it. And we can explain to them that every ethnic and cultural group has faced situations where people don't like them, where they say mean things and do mean things. And often it's because they don't understand who we are.
And they may never have gotten to know a person as a friend who comes from the culture that we come from. And it's important for us to put kindness out in the world and also explain to people who we are, be ourselves so they see that. But again, you can explain it in a very general sense. And also, I do think it helps for that child to know they're not alone. There are other people just like them who are experiencing that as well in different parts.
🔌 We have more with Niro Feliciano on today’s Mo News podcast. And we’ll have our full conversation in a Special Edition podcast later this week.
Here are some additional resources:
And one more idea:
Give kids a practical way to help: Children can create fundraisers, send letters to local decision-makers, or create drawings calling for peace (a New York bake sale recently raised $27,000 for relief work).
⏳ SPEED READ
🚨NATION
📌 41 states sue Meta, claiming Instagram, Facebook are addictive, harm kids (WASHINGTON POST)
📌 Former Trump campaign lawyer Jenna Ellis pleads guilty in Georgia case (CNN)
📌 Trump's former fixer Michael Cohen testifies against him in New York (NPR)
📌 Blinken tells UN: US doesn't want war with Iran but will defend itself (REUTERS)
📌 Georgia Supreme Court allows state’s six-week abortion ban to remain in effect (NY TIMES)
🌎 AROUND THE WORLD
📌 China removes Li Shangfu as defense minister, who was out of public eye for 2 months (NPR)
📌 Macron is latest world leader to show support for Israel, but adds note of caution (WSJ)
📌 Women across Iceland, including the prime minister, go on strike for equal pay and no more violence (AP)
📌 Ancient Brazilian rock carvings of human faces revealed along Amazon River (FOX NEWS)
📱BUSINESS, SCIENCE & TECH
📌 Americans are falling behind on auto loan payments at record pace (FOX BUSINESS)
📌 U.A.W. expands strike to G.M.’s Texas plant (NY TIMES)
📌 There aren't enough RSV shots for babies. Here's the new CDC guidance on who can get them (USA TODAY)
📌 Apple announces Oct. 30 event, new Macs expected (CNBC)
🎬 SPORTS & ENTERTAINMENT
📌 Chiefs' Justyn Ross arrested in Kansas: WR faces two misdemeanor charges (CBS SPORTS)
📌 Che Flores becomes NBA's first out nonbinary and transgender referee (NBC NEWS)
📌 Tom Bergeron reflects on “betrayal” that led to his exit from Dancing with the Stars (E NEWS)
📌 SAG-AFTRA Strike: studios prepare new offer in hopes of salvaging 2024 box office (VARIETY)
🗓 ON THIS DAY: OCTOBER 25
1936: Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini create the Rome-Berlin Axis.
1955: The first domestic microwave ovens went on sale for $1,295 (over $14,000 today).
1964: The Rolling Stones make their first appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show.
1983: Under President Ronald Reagan, the U.S. military invaded the tiny island country of Grenada.
7,600 troops drawn from the U.S. and Jamaica seized control after a political coup the previous week had made the island a “Soviet-Cuban colony.”